Two and a Half Men

Two and a Half Men (2003)

Two adults. One kid. No grown-ups.

  • Genre: Comedy
  • Creator: Chuck Lorre, Lee Aronsohn
  • First Air Date: 2003-09-22
  • Last Air Date: 2015-02-19
  • Total Seasons: 12
  • Total Episodes: 262
  • Status: Ended
  • Episode Runtime: 30 min.
  • Production Company: Warner Bros. Television
  • Production Country: United States of America
  • Networks: CBS
star 7.4/10
From 3,088 Ratings


A hedonistic jingle writer's free-wheeling life comes to an abrupt halt when his brother and 10-year-old nephew move into his beach-front house.

  • Keywords: sibling relationship, california, composer, roommate, evil mother, malibu, advertising, drinking, beach house, casual sex, sitcom, living with sibling, set in one room, rich brother
  • Two and a Half Men Trailer

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    Two and a Half Men Seasons

    Season 0

    First Air Date:
    41 Episodes

    Season 1

    First Air Date: 2003-09-22
    24 Episodes

    Season 2

    First Air Date: 2004-09-19
    24 Episodes

    Season 3

    First Air Date: 2005-09-19
    24 Episodes

    Season 4

    First Air Date: 2006-09-18
    24 Episodes

    Season 5

    First Air Date: 2007-09-24
    19 Episodes

    Season 6

    First Air Date: 2008-09-22
    24 Episodes

    Season 7

    First Air Date: 2009-09-21
    22 Episodes

    Season 8

    First Air Date: 2010-09-20
    16 Episodes

    Season 9

    First Air Date: 2011-09-19
    24 Episodes

    Season 10

    First Air Date: 2012-09-27
    23 Episodes

    Season 11

    First Air Date: 2013-09-26
    22 Episodes

    Season 12

    First Air Date: 2014-10-29
    16 Episodes

    Two and a Half Men Episodes

    Title Air Date Duration
    Season 1Episode 1Pilot30 min
    Season 1Episode 2Big Flappy Bastards30 min
    Season 1Episode 3Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell30 min
    Season 1Episode 4If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song I'm Going to Take a Nap30 min
    Season 1Episode 5The Last Thing You Want Is to Wind Up with a Hump30 min
    Season 1Episode 6Did You Check with the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?30 min
    Season 1Episode 7If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake30 min
    Season 1Episode 8Twenty-Five Little Pre-pubers Without a Snoot-ful30 min
    Season 1Episode 9Phase One, Complete30 min
    Season 1Episode 10Merry Thanksgiving30 min
    Season 1Episode 11Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor30 min
    Season 1Episode 12Camel Filters + Pheromones30 min
    Season 1Episode 13Sarah Like Puny Alan30 min
    Season 1Episode 14I Can't Afford Hyenas30 min
    Season 1Episode 15Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick (1)30 min
    Season 1Episode 16That Was Saliva, Alan (2)30 min
    Season 1Episode 17Ate the Hamburgers, Wearing the Hats30 min
    Season 1Episode 18An Old Flame with a New Wick30 min
    Season 1Episode 19I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You30 min
    Season 1Episode 20Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the Dark30 min
    Season 1Episode 21No Sniffing, No Wowing30 min
    Season 1Episode 22My Doctor Has a Cow Puppet30 min
    Season 1Episode 23Just Like Buffalo30 min
    Season 1Episode 24Can You Feel My Finger?30 min
    Season 2Episode 1Back Off, Mary Poppins30 min
    Season 2Episode 2Enjoy Those Garlic Balls30 min
    Season 2Episode 3A Bag Full of Jawea30 min
    Season 2Episode 4Go Get Mommy's Bra30 min
    Season 2Episode 5Bad News from the Clinic?30 min
    Season 2Episode 6The Price of Healthy Gums Is Eternal Vigilance30 min
    Season 2Episode 7A Kosher Slaughterhouse Out in Fontana30 min
    Season 2Episode 8Frankenstein and the Horny Villagers30 min
    Season 2Episode 9Yes, Monsignor30 min
    Season 2Episode 10The Salmon Under My Sweater30 min
    Season 2Episode 11Last Chance to See Those Tattoos30 min
    Season 2Episode 12A Lung Full of Alan30 min
    Season 2Episode 13Zejdz Zmoich Wlosow30 min
    Season 2Episode 14Those Big Pink Things with Coconuts30 min
    Season 2Episode 15Smell the Umbrella Stand30 min
    Season 2Episode 16Can You Eat Human Flesh with Wooden Teeth?30 min
    Season 2Episode 17Woo-Hoo, a Hernia Exam!30 min
    Season 2Episode 18It was 'Mame,' Mom30 min
    Season 2Episode 19A Low, Guttural Tongue-Flapping Noise30 min
    Season 2Episode 20I Always Wanted a Shaved Monkey30 min
    Season 2Episode 21A Sympathetic Crotch to Cry On30 min
    Season 2Episode 22That Old Hose Bag Is My Mother30 min
    Season 2Episode 23Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab30 min
    Season 2Episode 24Does This Smell Funny to You?30 min
    Season 3Episode 1Weekend in Bangkok with Two Olympic Gymnasts30 min
    Season 3Episode 2Principal Gallagher's Lesbian Lover30 min
    Season 3Episode 3Carpet Burns and a Bite Mark30 min
    Season 3Episode 4Your Dismissive Attitude Toward Boobs30 min
    Season 3Episode 5We Called It Mr. Pinky30 min
    Season 3Episode 6Hi, Mr. Horned One30 min
    Season 3Episode 7Sleep Tight, Puddin' Pop30 min
    Season 3Episode 8That Voodoo That I Do Do30 min
    Season 3Episode 9Madame and Her Special Friend30 min
    Season 3Episode 10Something Salted and Twisted30 min
    Season 3Episode 11Santa's Village of the Damned30 min
    Season 3Episode 12That Special Tug30 min
    Season 3Episode 13Humiliation Is a Visual Medium30 min
    Season 3Episode 14Love Isn't Blind, It's Retarded30 min
    Season 3Episode 15My Tongue Is Meat30 min
    Season 3Episode 16Ergo, the Booty Call30 min
    Season 3Episode 17The Unfortunate Little Schnauser30 min
    Season 3Episode 18The Spit-Covered Cobbler30 min
    Season 3Episode 19Golly Moses, She's a Muffin30 min
    Season 3Episode 20Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Burro30 min
    Season 3Episode 21And the Plot Moistens30 min
    Season 3Episode 22Just Once with Aunt Sophie30 min
    Season 3Episode 23Arguments for the Quickie30 min
    Season 3Episode 24That Pistol-Packin' Hermaphrodite30 min
    Season 4Episode 1Working for Caligula30 min
    Season 4Episode 2Who's Vod Kanockers?30 min
    Season 4Episode 3The Sea Is a Harsh Mistress30 min
    Season 4Episode 4A Pot Smoking Monkey30 min
    Season 4Episode 5A Live Woman of Proven Fertility30 min
    Season 4Episode 6Apologies for the Frivolity30 min
    Season 4Episode 7Repeated Blows to His Unformed Head30 min
    Season 4Episode 8Release the Dogs30 min
    Season 4Episode 9Corey's Been Dead for an Hour30 min
    Season 4Episode 10Kissing Abraham Lincoln30 min
    Season 4Episode 11Walnuts and Demerol30 min
    Season 4Episode 12Castrating Sheep in Montana30 min
    Season 4Episode 13Don't Worry, Speed Racer30 min
    Season 4Episode 14That's Summer Sausage, Not Salami30 min
    Season 4Episode 15My Damn Stalker30 min
    Season 4Episode 16Young People Have Phlegm Too30 min
    Season 4Episode 17I Merely Slept with a Commie30 min
    Season 4Episode 18It Never Rains in Hooterville30 min
    Season 4Episode 19Smooth As a Ken Doll30 min
    Season 4Episode 20Aunt Myra Doesn't Pee a Lot30 min
    Season 4Episode 21Tucked, Taped and Gorgeous30 min
    Season 4Episode 22Mr. McGlue's Feedbag30 min
    Season 4Episode 23Anteaters. They're Just Crazy-lookin30 min
    Season 4Episode 24Prostitutes and Gelato30 min
    Season 5Episode 1Large Birds, Spiders and Mom30 min
    Season 5Episode 2Media Room Slash Dungeon30 min
    Season 5Episode 3Dum Diddy Dum Diddy Doo30 min
    Season 5Episode 4City of Great Racks30 min
    Season 5Episode 5Putting Swim Fins on a Cat30 min
    Season 5Episode 6Help Daddy Find His Toenail30 min
    Season 5Episode 7Our Leather Gear Is in the Guest Room30 min
    Season 5Episode 8Is There a Mrs. Waffles?30 min
    Season 5Episode 9Tight's Good30 min
    Season 5Episode 10Kinda Like Necrophilia30 min
    Season 5Episode 11Meander to Your Dander30 min
    Season 5Episode 12A Little Clammy and None Too Fresh30 min
    Season 5Episode 13The Soil Is Moist30 min
    Season 5Episode 14Winky-Dink Time30 min
    Season 5Episode 15Rough Night in Hump Junction30 min
    Season 5Episode 16Look at Me, Mommy, I'm Pretty30 min
    Season 5Episode 17Fish in a Drawer30 min
    Season 5Episode 18If My Hole Could Talk30 min
    Season 5Episode 19Waiting for the Right Snapper30 min
    Season 6Episode 1Taterhead Is Our Love Child30 min
    Season 6Episode 2Pie Hole, Herb30 min
    Season 6Episode 3Damn You, Eggs Benedict30 min
    Season 6Episode 4The Flavin' and the Mavin'30 min
    Season 6Episode 5A Jock Strap in Hell30 min
    Season 6Episode 6It's Always Nazi Week30 min
    Season 6Episode 7Best H.O. Money Can Buy30 min
    Season 6Episode 8Pinocchio's Mouth30 min
    Season 6Episode 9The Mooch at the Boo30 min
    Season 6Episode 10He Smelled the Ham, He Got Excited30 min
    Season 6Episode 11The Devil's Lube30 min
    Season 6Episode 12Thank God for Scoliosis30 min
    Season 6Episode 13I Think You Offended Don30 min
    Season 6Episode 14David Copperfield Slipped Me a Roofie30 min
    Season 6Episode 15I'd Like to Start with the Cat30 min
    Season 6Episode 16She'll Still Be Dead at Halftime30 min
    Season 6Episode 17The 'Ocu' or the 'Pado'?30 min
    Season 6Episode 18My Son's Enormous Head30 min
    Season 6Episode 19The Two Finger Rule30 min
    Season 6Episode 20Hello, I Am Alan Cousteau30 min
    Season 6Episode 21Above Exalted Cyclops30 min
    Season 6Episode 22Sir Lancelot's Litter Box30 min
    Season 6Episode 23Good Morning, Mrs. Butterworth30 min
    Season 6Episode 24Baseball with Better Steroids30 min
    Season 7Episode 1818-jklpuzo30 min
    Season 7Episode 2Whipped Unto the Third Generation30 min
    Season 7Episode 3Mmm, Fish. Yum.30 min
    Season 7Episode 4Laxative Tester, Horse Inseminator30 min
    Season 7Episode 5For the Sake of the Child30 min
    Season 7Episode 6Give Me Your Thumb30 min
    Season 7Episode 7Untainted by Filth30 min
    Season 7Episode 8Gorp. Fnark. Schmegle.30 min
    Season 7Episode 9Captain Terry's Spray-On Hair30 min
    Season 7Episode 10That's Why They Call It Ball Room30 min
    Season 7Episode 11Warning, It's Dirty30 min
    Season 7Episode 12Fart Jokes, Pie and Celeste30 min
    Season 7Episode 13Yay, No Polyps!30 min
    Season 7Episode 14Crude and Uncalled For30 min
    Season 7Episode 15Aye, Aye, Captain30 min
    Season 7Episode 16Tinkle Like a Princess30 min
    Season 7Episode 17I Found Your Moustache30 min
    Season 7Episode 18Ixnay on the Oggie Day30 min
    Season 7Episode 19Keith Moon Is Vomiting in His Grave30 min
    Season 7Episode 20I Called Him Magoo30 min
    Season 7Episode 21Gumby with a Pokey30 min
    Season 7Episode 22This Is Not Gonna End Well30 min
    Season 8Episode 1Three Girls and a Guy Named Bud30 min
    Season 8Episode 2A Bottle of Wine and a Jackhammer30 min
    Season 8Episode 3A Pudding-Filled Cactus30 min
    Season 8Episode 4Hookers, Hookers, Hookers30 min
    Season 8Episode 5The Immortal Mr. Billy Joel30 min
    Season 8Episode 6Twanging Your Magic Clanger30 min
    Season 8Episode 7The Crazy Bitch Gazette30 min
    Season 8Episode 8Springtime on a Stick30 min
    Season 8Episode 9A Good Time in Central Africa30 min
    Season 8Episode 10Ow, Ow, Don't Stop30 min
    Season 8Episode 11Dead from the Waist Down30 min
    Season 8Episode 12Chocolate Diddlers or My Puppy's Dead30 min
    Season 8Episode 13Skunk, Dog, Crap and Ketchup30 min
    Season 8Episode 14Lookin' for Japanese Subs30 min
    Season 8Episode 15Three Hookers and a Philly Cheesesteak30 min
    Season 8Episode 16That Darn Priest30 min
    Season 9Episode 1Nice to Meet You, Walden Schmidt30 min
    Season 9Episode 2People Who Love Peepholes30 min
    Season 9Episode 3Big Girls Don't Throw Food30 min
    Season 9Episode 4Nine Magic Fingers30 min
    Season 9Episode 5A Giant Cat Holding a Churro30 min
    Season 9Episode 6The Squat and the Hover30 min
    Season 9Episode 7Those Fancy Japanese Toilets30 min
    Season 9Episode 8Thank You for the Intercourse30 min
    Season 9Episode 9Frodo's Headshots30 min
    Season 9Episode 10A Fishbowl Full of Glass Eyes30 min
    Season 9Episode 11What a Lovely Landing Strip30 min
    Season 9Episode 12One False Move, Zimbabwe!30 min
    Season 9Episode 13Slowly and in a Circular Fashion30 min
    Season 9Episode 14A Possum on Chemo30 min
    Season 9Episode 15The Duchess of Dull-in-Sack30 min
    Season 9Episode 16Sips, Sonnets and Sodomy30 min
    Season 9Episode 17Not in My Mouth!30 min
    Season 9Episode 18The War Against Gingivitis30 min
    Season 9Episode 19Palmdale, Ech30 min
    Season 9Episode 20Grandma's Pie30 min
    Season 9Episode 21Mr. Hose Says 'Yes'30 min
    Season 9Episode 22Why We Gave Up Women30 min
    Season 9Episode 23The Straw in My Donut Hole30 min
    Season 9Episode 24Oh Look! Al-Qaeda!30 min
    Season 10Episode 1I Changed My Mind About the Milk30 min
    Season 10Episode 2A Big Bag of Dog30 min
    Season 10Episode 3Four Balls, Two Bats and One Mitt30 min
    Season 10Episode 4You Do Know What the Lollipop's For30 min
    Season 10Episode 5That's Not What They Call It in Amsterdam30 min
    Season 10Episode 6Ferrets, Attack!30 min
    Season 10Episode 7Avoid the Chinese Mustard30 min
    Season 10Episode 8Something My Gynecologist Said30 min
    Season 10Episode 9I Scream When I Pee30 min
    Season 10Episode 10One Nut Johnson30 min
    Season 10Episode 11Give Santa a Tail-Hole30 min
    Season 10Episode 12Welcome to Alancrest30 min
    Season 10Episode 13Grab a Feather and Get in Line30 min
    Season 10Episode 14Run, Steven Staven! Run!30 min
    Season 10Episode 15Paint It, Pierce It or Plug It30 min
    Season 10Episode 16Advantage: Fat, Flying Baby30 min
    Season 10Episode 17Throgwarten Middle School Mysteries30 min
    Season 10Episode 18The 9:04 from Pemberton30 min
    Season 10Episode 19Big Episode. Someone Stole a Spoon30 min
    Season 10Episode 20Bazinga! That's from a TV Show30 min
    Season 10Episode 21Another Night with Neil Diamond30 min
    Season 10Episode 22My Bodacious Vidalia30 min
    Season 10Episode 23Cows, Prepare to Be Tipped30 min
    Season 11Episode 1Nangnangnangnang30 min
    Season 11Episode 2I Think I Banged Lucille Ball30 min
    Season 11Episode 3This Unblessed Biscuit30 min
    Season 11Episode 4Clank, Clank, Drunken Skank30 min
    Season 11Episode 5Alan Harper, Pleasing Women Since 200330 min
    Season 11Episode 6Justice in Star-Spangled Hot Pants30 min
    Season 11Episode 7Some Kind of Lesbian Zombie30 min
    Season 11Episode 8Mr. Walden, He Die. I Clean Room.30 min
    Season 11Episode 9Numero Uno Accidente Lawyer30 min
    Season 11Episode 10On Vodka, on Soda, on Blender, on Mixer!30 min
    Season 11Episode 11Tazed in the Lady Nuts30 min
    Season 11Episode 12Baseball. Boobs. Boobs. Baseball.30 min
    Season 11Episode 13Bite Me, Supreme Court30 min
    Season 11Episode 14Three Fingers of Crème de Menthe30 min
    Season 11Episode 15Cab Fare and a Bottle of Penicillin30 min
    Season 11Episode 16How to Get Rid of Alan Harper30 min
    Season 11Episode 17Welcome Home, Jake30 min
    Season 11Episode 18West Side Story30 min
    Season 11Episode 19Lan Mao Shi Zai Wuding Shang30 min
    Season 11Episode 20Lotta Delis in Little Armenia30 min
    Season 11Episode 21Dial 1-900-Mix-a-Lot30 min
    Season 11Episode 22Oh WALD-E, Good Times Ahead30 min
    Season 12Episode 1The Ol' Mexican Spinach30 min
    Season 12Episode 2A Chic Bar in Ibiza30 min
    Season 12Episode 3Glamping in a Yurt30 min
    Season 12Episode 4Thirty-Eight, Sixty-Two, Thirty-Eight30 min
    Season 12Episode 5Oontz. Oontz. Oontz.30 min
    Season 12Episode 6Alan Shot a Little Girl30 min
    Season 12Episode 7Sex with an Animated Ed Asner30 min
    Season 12Episode 8Family, Bublé, Deep-fried Turkey30 min
    Season 12Episode 9Bouncy, Bouncy, Bouncy, Lyndsey30 min
    Season 12Episode 10Here I Come, Pants!30 min
    Season 12Episode 11For Whom the Booty Calls30 min
    Season 12Episode 12A Beer-Battered Rip-Off30 min
    Season 12Episode 13Boompa Loved His Hookers30 min
    Season 12Episode 14Don't Give a Monkey a Gun30 min
    Season 12Episode 15Of Course He's Dead - Part One30 min
    Season 12Episode 16Of Course He's Dead - Part Two30 min
    • Ashton Kutcher

      as Walden Schmidt
    • Jon Cryer

      as Alan Harper
    • Conchata Ferrell

      as Berta
    Production Jim Patterson Executive Producer
    Production Tim Kelleher Consulting Producer
    Production Joe Bella Co-Producer
    Production Chuck Lorre Executive Producer